chill, baby, chill

i can just feel the hysteria mounting, the underpants wadding...

where is the post?!?!? why has she not written anything since (gasp!) saturday?!?!

listen up, ya'll. i have gone a little crazy and have agreed to:

1. a houseguest for two nights and
2. a soiree with 20 women in my home tomorrow night!!

so momma might not be bloggin tonight. or maybe i will. i might just do whatever i want!

but for now i've got some pubes calling my name from the base of my toilet and a little mystery smell to find before my company arrives.

just wondering.

um, just wondering. does anyone else have a husband who thinks this is a good way to put away paint tools?

cleaning madness

i should be cleaning the bathroom. my mother-in-law is coming over tomorrow and i fear she will be thrown into a state of cardiac arrest when she smells the urine festering around the base of my toilet and sees the fungi thriving at the edge of my tub. BUT at this point i'm just not in the mood for any of it, quite frankly. and so am giving the whole cleaning process a big middle finger.

what's new, right?

i don't know what it's like at your house, but over here i have to make a choice. i can either have a clean house OR i can be an attentive mommy/have happy kids but the two cannot exist simultaneously. i cannot keep my house looking respectable and hang out with my kids enough. it just can't happen.

but since the cleanest person i know is coming for a visit tomorrow i figured i should try to shoo some of the germies out of this filthy hole. the children, of course, were less than pleased.

E was in an especially lovely mood and drew pictures like this all day

and even thought he'd try calling his mother a "Dumbhead". (!!!)

K thought it would be fun to hurl peaches from his high chair at lunchtime and declare, "mommy, i need consekwuns".

they made all kinds of mischief throughout the day. they practiced some new bad words, threw sand in each other's mouth, beat each other with sticks, pushed, poked and shoved. all this while whining at me and begging every few minutes for me to play with them.

it was as they were yelling "you're a dumb dumb!" to my neighbor that i suddenly realized it's just not worth it. this is the reason i never clean! i would rather live in a happy home than in a germ free zone, i guess. so we ditched the cleaning plan and played scooters in the driveway for the rest of the afternoon.

it was the right thing to do, but now my toilet is still filthy.

but i'm sure my MIL won't care. the sweet smiles of her happy grandchildren will make her forget the moldy grout in the bathtub, right?

my car

i have come to a realization. no, i have realized it long ago but only now am i owning it:

my car is a pigsty.

no more pretending when i'm around my clean carred mommy friends that they are just catching me and my car on an off day.(oops! i am TOTALLY on my way to the car wash right after this! can you believe that bird pooped on the front and back AND side of my car just on my way to school? )

guess what, guys? that's a damn lie! that bird poop has been there for a month!

and you know how i acted all shocked like that door ding on my passenger side was something new i was seeing for the first time? it wasn't. it's been there at least a year.

no longer am i going to hurry to the car after kindergarten, shove my kids in and rush to slam the door before any of the soccer moms catch a glimpse my back seat with its crushed goldfish crackers, shredded toy magazines, dirty tissues, half empty sippy cups, E's crumpled homework assignment, 12 pacifiers, the donut from last saturday and the bagel from this morning's breakfast as well as countless (dirty) items of my children's clothing.

no more excuses. no more charades.

i'm just a dirty, dirty girl with a nasty, shithole car that i don't even try to keep clean anymore.


damn, that feels good.