a good idea

the boys are into getting money these days. they're always devising a new scheme to make lots of money.

in their latest plan, they decided to hold a backyard CARNIVAL.

as K informed me, they would have some rides and some animals and lots of games where you throw things...

and they would charge everyone $2,000.00.

if it works i'm totally going to make them start paying for groceries.

big boys in beds

look at these big boys in their new, big boy bunk bed!
i scored this bed on craigslist yesterday and M set it up today.

E, who has said all along that he wants nothing to do with the top bunk,
jumped up as soon as it was set up and hasn't been down since.

K, who i thought for sure would have a hard time
giving up the security of his cage crib,
declared, "I SWEEPING IN DIS BED TONIGHT WIF E!"
and that was the end of that.

and then there's me,
the one who couldn't wait to get her room back to herself after almost three years,
suddenly feeling that little twinge in my stomach that comes
from watching my children take another step towards growing up.

(sigh.)

update: it is 8:34, a half an hour since we said goodnight.
K has been out of bed 4 times to chase the dog,
(who he suddenly decided he can't sleep without),
to put his sippy cup on the floor,
to take off his socks
and to remind me that he is going to wake me up in the morning.
E has climbed down twice and has now determined that there is NO WAY
he can rest unless he is on the bottom bunk and is threatening to cry.

the twinge is gone.

and if you can't beat them...

get out the sprinkles..

the easter candy and the tube of spray frosting...

let them gorge themselves with as much as they want...

then sit back and wait...

for the sugar crash.

happy friday, everyone!

wishing you all a little peace and sanity
(however you can get it)
as you count down the hours until the weekend.

smell this

on sunday night i awoke to the sound of K (previously asleep next to me in bed) puking on my chest.

it was an isolated incident but even so, i did not get much in the way of sleep for the rest of the night.

yesterday was M's day off but i mostly dealt with a whiny, half-sick toddler at home while M bopped around on the errands we had planned to do together.

today M left early to go out of town for a meeting.

i just caught E trying to force K to smell his dirty underpants.

i am too tired to know what to do.

quick update.

here's one for all those post-hungry grandmas and grandpas out there.

we've been hanging out, hunkering down all day as we prepare for what was supposed to be a big doozy of a storm today.

i went outside with the kids in the morning while M slept in and let them kick each other's asses for an hour or so, hoping to get their crazies out before the rain came.

it didn't work, and so they continued the pummeling, biting, sword fighting and screaming all day, much to my delight. what's up with all the fighting these days? i'm telling myself it's sickness, tiredness and cooped-upness all coming together to create the perfect storm of bad attitude.

now it's 11 and the (rain) storm still isn't here. the news says it's going to hit tomorrow, right when M has to go to work.

stir crazy kids, big thunderstorm, single parenting...

should be another peaceful sunday.

cabin fever, crazy mommy

i should have posted yesterday but i was cooped up in the house once again.

E was very sick, passed out most of the day on the couch with a fever. K was only partially sick, which meant he didn't really want to play with any silly old game or toy, but he might think it was fun to poke his sleeping brother in the face or yank on the dog's tail if i wasn't paying enough attention to him.

i was trying to be the kind, selfless mommy who is unfazed by her needy children but most of the day felt like they were sucking my will to live.

(you want chicken noodle soup? ok, i'll make you some.

what? you're not in the mood for soup anymore?

yes, mommy can make you a sandwich instead.

all right, i guess i can hold up your head while you take a bite...

oh, look.. you spit your bite out into my hand. that's cool.

no problem, i'll just put that over here...

what's that? you need a tissue?

for that snot that is hanging off your top lip?

sure, i'll get that for you.

wait! i said i'd get it for you! please don't wipe your boogers on the couch!

oh dear..

what's that smell? do you need to go potty?

you think you're going to have diarrhea?!

and you don't think you can walk to the bathroom so you need me to carry you?

okay.. yes i'll help you with your underpants...

oh, uhh... that's fine that you pooped a little bit on mommy's hand.

i'll just wash it off...

no, i can't hold your head up while i'm washing my hands...)

when M got home at 5 o'clock i had a serious case of Crazy Mommy Syndrome that could only be remedied by handing over the children, pouring myself a stiff drink and escaping to my happy place for the remainder of the evening.

tgif

young love

E came home very excited from school yesterday and declared to me with a look of satisfaction on his face,

"mommy! i figured out who i'm going to marry!"

i had an idea who he had chosen for his bride. there is a little girl in his class who he absolutely adores and talks about incessantly each day after school. but i know this is a very exciting discovery to make, even for a five year old. and so i decided to ask him anyway, just so he could have the pleasure of telling me.

"that's great, E! who is it?"

the answer was just as i expected,

"it's sophia, mommy. i'm going to marry her because i love her."

how sweet.

i replied with what i felt was the next logical question,

"oh, E. that's so nice. and does she want to marry you, too?"

E stopped.

the smile disappeared as a troubled look came over his face.

"Ooooh...

(sigh)

is that how it works, mommy?"

two year old drama

as is typical for children his age, K loves to throw a fit when things do not go his way.

if he does not get exactly what he wants (ie: four pieces of bacon for dinner, unlimited television viewing, to be allowed to beat his older brother on the head with a drumstick... you know, rational things) he throws back his head and lets out the most annoying (100% fake) wail.

"WAAAAAAAAAAAGHHGHHH!!!!!!"

which is followed by an almost immediate release of large amounts of snot and drool from his nose and mouth. it's very dramatic.

sometimes, when he's really pissed ( at me) and wants to add a little extra dig to the tantrum he will yell,

"WAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHHHH!!!

I WANT DAAAAAAAADDDDDDDDDYYYY!!"

which just totally ticks me off.

but today he went for a different approach.

when he fell out of the backseat of the car onto the pavement after engaging in a pushing match with his brother he yelled,

"WAAAAAAAAAAAGHGHGHHGHHHH!!"

I WANT SOME PAAAAAANCAAAAAAAKES!!!"

thursday blah

we got home from the party at 11:30 last night and got up at the normal hour, as the boys show no mercy to their partied-out parents.

my dear children, although awake and out of their beds, were in distinctly unpleasant moods and bugging the crap out of me.

as we were headed out the door to school, K accidentally broke the christmas ornament E made to give to justin for christmas.

that's when all hell broke loose.

crying, wailing, whacking, screaming, pushing, shoving, boogers and snot rolling down faces. it was not a pretty sight.

of course my neighbor (justin's mom) was outside as i struggled to strap my out of control children into their carseats. her offspring were remarkably docile this morning and so when she yelled, "some days are worse than others, huh?" with a cheery smile on her face and a wave, i know she meant well and all but i just wanted to give her the finger and scream, "oh yeah?! if it weren't for the stupid ornament E made your son i wouldn't even be dealing with this shit!!" but i didn't think that would be very neighborly. or in the christmas spirit.

we did end up making it to school on time ( a miracle) and actually survived the day (another miracle) which was full of episodes like the one above.

and now i'm on the couch, sick and tired of my cold that i've had for almost two weeks now, exhausted and wishing this was the weekend and not sure if i can handle doing it all again tomorrow.

playdate hell

woooo weeee!

we just got done with one of the worst playdates ...ever!

i got sprayed in the face with a hose, K yanked his little friend by the hair and his buddy almost pushed him off the porch. E and his friend were beating each other with light sabers and ended their time together slapping one another on the face and hurling legos at each other! and don't even get me started about the crazy tantrum that went down as everyone was leaving!

i hate playdates! they suck!

no more socialization for us. just reading our books on the couch. that's it.

west coast cuties

what a crazy little west coast family i have.

this is what they do when it gets cold out. you know, cold....like 50 degrees.

look closely. poor little k was so excited to play "snowy time"
(did i mention it was just 50 degrees?)
but the sweet boy just didn't have a clue.
note my scarf around his neck, garden glove on left hand, slippers on the feet, old sweashirt worn as winter coat.

they think they're cold!
if only they knew how i used to have to walk 9 miles barefoot
in the west michigan snow every day for the whole winter just to get to school!

those goofy kids.

pillow talk

in an adorable moment of family cuteness (which you will just have to imagine, since i did not take a picture) we were all reading a book before bed together tonight in my room.

subject: rabbits. (ever since the kitties, E has been obsessed with pets and so got this book about bunnies yesterday at school.)

E: "hey, mommy. i've been meaning to ask you this. why are we able to talk but animals can't?"

(it suddenly occured to me that i really had no idea why exactly we can talk. something in the brain? did he want specifics? why was he asking? was there an obvious answer that was eluding me because my brain is turning to mush? worse yet.. did i have early onset alzheimers? i decided to stall. throw the question back at him. see what he already knew.)

me: "yeah, E! why do you think that is?"

E: "well i did notice that we have way less fur than animals. they have it all over their bodies and we just have a little bit."

me (relieved, realizing that maybe i didn't need to get too technical at this moment. at least he wasn't looking for the name of the particular area of the brain. you never know what they learn in school these days...): "good point. and did you also know that our brains are a lot bigger than animals, too?"

(that must have something to do with it, right?)

i looked at M for input.

M:"yeah, we have super smart brains!" (ah, look. daddy doesn't know either!)

to which K replied with his own two cents: "i got weally big, smart DUMBHEAD bwain!"

what more can you say after that?

all hallows fun

so now i will join with the millions of my mommy blogging sisters and post pictures of my children dressed in their holiday foolishness. although, since it's me you're dealing with you will not see any lovely, posed photos of cherubic children sitting quietly pre-sugar rush to model mommy's handiwork. not because i think that's stupid... i'd love to show off my work.

nope. i just forgot, of course.

so here's what i do have:

captain mystery flaunts his stuff (wings belong to fairy in back). he
chose to wear a winter glove on his right hand in honor of annakin skywalker
who famously lost his hand battling count dukoo. this had nothing
to do with his costume.

CM's sidekick "diaper man" looks adorable in complete costume for about
five minutes. masks were quickly removed, as they were found to obstruct almost
all peripheral vision.

trick-or-treating with peeps in the hood.

(this had high potential for disaster, as E and justin have been acting like
fools the past few times they have hung out.
never fear.. a few not-so-veiled threats of flushing candy down the toilet for
bad behavior and they turned into angels. ok, maybe "angels" is a bit extreme but hey,
nobody punched anyone in the face. i think that's progress!)

cat that followed us home and remains on my porch even as i type this blog.

brother of above cat, who also has taken up residence on my front step.

gorging ourselves on candy until we felt like doing handstands.
(K: "i wike candy, mommy! i wike wowwipops!")

one of two children who succumbed to sugar coma within 60 seconds of
head hitting pillow.

good day

well, at least i know why ours has been a house of whiny, irritating people lately. we all woke up this morning with cases of booger nose and sore throats. ah, winter colds. how i've missed thee.

in other news, my beloved monkeys have been acting like gems today (save for a little run-of-the-mill pummeling and standard head whomping). they really haven't been annoying me at all! isn't that strange?

they've been playing together so nicely. i woke up to find them in the corner in their newly created "breastfeeding spot", sweetly nursing their stuffed animals. i guess this is what happens to the children of baby nurses. no bottles for our teddy bears!

then they were reading together in the hallway for a good ten minutes! usually when they are together that long and QUIET it means that someone has either been knocked unconscious or has been bound and gagged.


later they were side by side on the floor drawing together. E was kindly showing his two year old brother how to draw guns and other killing apparatuses. i think this particular lesson was on "how to draw a double-barreled KX124 blaster". sweet sibling harmony.

we closed the day with stories together on the bed. E requested a halloween story because "i'm way more into that holiday than the other ones like christmas. i like all the dead, scarey people and stuff." i chose to ignore my inner fears of raising a psychopath and oblige him just this once.

now M is out playing basketball and i'm realizing that a sore throat is a very good excuse to ingest a very large bowl of ice cream with no guilt. (pay no mind to the number of times that i find excuses for consuming desserts.)

it's been a good day.

recipe for disaster

3 five year old boys
+
one bag of chocolates
+
one busy dinner party
+
no naps
+
lots of adrenaline
+
croquet mallets
=

to all of you counting the minutes til 5 pm

may i suggest cheeseburgers at a mcdonald's with a playland and ice cream cones for dessert.

have a great weekend!

tired.

i'm tired today, fools!

didn't have much time for the blogosphere as i spent all day trying to make the laundry my bitch. it didn't work, though. i'm still the laundry's bitch.

in addition, my children continue to act as though they are possessed by demons. what is up with all the whining and fighting these days? and the head chopping, laser shooting and general violent behavior is at an all time high. if i get my torso cut in half by one more light- saber-wielding storm trooper i'm going to scream!

i swear, if i ever meet that george lucas i'm going to kick his ass.

this mommy is ready for a break.

well, i guess i'll go stare into space and drool a while before heading to bed.

our afternoon

things are not improving.

first, it was Walk Your Ass To School Day (or something like that) which is never good when you live on the farthest end of the district.

in addition, for this one it appears to be Act Like A Demon Child Day, Disrespect Your Mother Day and Beat Your Brother Over The Head Day. here is a picture of him observing Don't Give A Shit That You're In Time Out Day:

for the older brother it seems to be Draw All Over Your Body Day and maybe Take Your Underwear Off And Pretend Like You're A Superhero Day.


you can probably guess that i'm celebrating Start Drinking Early Day and Take Your Family Out For Dinner Night.

really, this might be a tmi. read at your own risk.

i tell M that there are certain moments in my life when i know i need to blog. those are the times when i am so completely caught off guard by something one or more of my children is doing that i'm rendered speechless.

so that happened to me today but even as i write this i'm not sure if it's appropriate to tell you.

is there anything that's too gross for a blog? it's my blog, right?

i'll start typing and see how it feels.

yesterday i was changing K's diaper and he was being silly. "i touch it, mommy! i touch it!!" this is a game he plays that he finds incredibly entertaining. he pretends to try to touch the nastiness while i scramble to change the dirty pants as fast as i can.

i was playing along, as i always do. "oh no! oh no! don't touch it! dirty!" but i admit i was maybe laughing a teeny weeny bit.

the diaper was mostly changed and it was then that let my guard down, glancing briefly to the side for some reason that i can't remember anymore.

and that's when he did it. he landed a finger in the poop.

for a split second our eyes met. i froze, unsure what to do. he paused too, shocked at his success but with a look of sheer delight in his eyes.

and then he popped his finger into his mouth and licked it off.