boobies

dress up has always been a big hit around here. and lately, play doh has taken up lots of our play time as well. so it came as no surprise to me when E cryptically declared while playing play-doh yesterday that he was making "a secret disguise".

now you are smarter than me and so when i tell you there was lots of giggling going on during this creative time you will certainly guess that something was amiss. but at 5 pm i am never very smart so i was oblivious.

that's why i was completely caught off guard when E delightedly raised two dough breasts (complete with nipples and play doh ties for fastening) to his chest in a fit of hysterical giggles.

"are those BOOBIES?!?!?" i blurted..

(what?! can you believe i said this?!!!! i've been so careful for FIVE years ensure that word does not enter my home!! where did that come from?!?)

"BOOBIES!! BOOBIES!! BOOBIES!!", yelled K as i desperately tried to regain my composure and figure out what to do.

after spending a moment "looking for the milk" (read: getting a hold of my own giggles) in the fridge, i decided that acting nonchalant would be my best approach.

"that's fine, E. there's nothing funny about breasts. you made some breasts so you could disguise yourself as a lady! that was very creative."

to which E sweetly responded,"yeah, mommy. and next we're going to make a big, huge PENIS!"

as K shouted, "BOOBIES!"

bus ride bible lesson

went to the state fair today with some friends. we rode the bus and the big boys were sitting together in their own seat. at one point i noticed they were whispering together when E's friend justin turned around and said to his mom,

"mom! is jesus dead?"

to which his mom replied, no (they have a friend named jesus, apparently), that he was just six years old.

justin: "no! the other jesus! is that one dead?!"

his mom: "yes, yes he is..."

(at this point i could tell she was getting uncomfortable. poor girl. so hard to be the friend of a pastor's wife...)

jason:"well, could you please explain that to E? he says he's alive!"

mom (to E): "oh, um, er, well, i guess he is. he's like a spirit. but he did die..."

E just sort of sat there confused for a minute and i wondered what he was going to do. i could tell he was wanting to listen to jason's mom, you could see the thoughts churning around in his head.. when he suddenly sat up very straight, stuck out his chin and said in a loud voice:

"no, he's NOT. jesus is ALIVE and i KNOW he is!!"

and turned around to continue his evangelizing to his little friend.

(i was so proud... what a little missionary child i have, i thought. what a sweet boy, such a product of his father... just wait til i tell my mother-in-law... )

oh look! they were whispering some more!

me: "what are you guys talking about now?"

E : "now we're talking about how we're going to POKE jesus' EYES out with pencils!!"

oh dear..

orientation daze

even when I try to have it together I just can’t.

when i got the message that E's kindergarten orientation was today i made very sure to write it on my calendar…

…and made to tell E all about how he was going to meet his teacher on tuesday!!

…and to tell M to make sure he made time in his schedule to be able to go with us.

i also checked and rechecked the letter from the school, made sure we all got to bed on time last night and woke everyone up early in order to have enough time to get ourselves ready and not rush.

i just didn’t realize that august 29^th was WEDNESDAY.

found in my bathroom this morning

what is the meaning of this?

private parts

what's up with private parts, anyway?

we are obsessed at our house.. i mean really obsessed!
i guess i always thought that when it became an issue that the talk about the parts would be brief and clear. private parts are just that: private. enough said.

but nothing is ever brief or clear when dealing with a five year old, especially mine. the questions always come:

"well, can i show aiden my penis when we are at the park?"

no.

"can i show him my penis when we are going wee wee together?"

no, wait. when were you going wee wee together? should you even be doing that? i guess that's all right.. but no, the answer is still no.

"but....can aiden and i make a secret club called the Private Parts Club where we just talk about our penises together?"

um...what?!

the shit hits the tub

there is no better time than now to begin.

it began with an innocent request. music to my ears, really, as mother of a not-yet-potty-trained two year old.

"mommy! i have a wee wee coming!", potty stool in hand, removing diaper as he ran.

two seconds later i stood amazed as my sweet second born peed into the toilet by his own initiative. this is the way to do it, i thought. look how smart i am the second time around! this is going to be so easy! all i have to do is nothing and he'll potty train himself! brilliant!

two more seconds later and he was pooping on my foot.

it was bath time so the natural reaction was to throw the boy into the tub with big brother. no problem. i can do this. get the bleach spray and remain calm.

two minutes later he was pooping in the water-filled tub.

and on the floor as i desperately tried to transfer him to the toilet.

it is now two hours later and since that time i have found poop on the shower curtain, on my pants and in the bathroom sink as my children gathered to brush their teeth. i have gazed at poop flecks in the tub with my five year old, exclaiming how this one looks kind of like a meteor and hey! that one looks like a sword! i have knelt in poop and cleaned it from beneath my fingernails.

i am zoloft mom.