halloween fun

the day is done.

the friends have gone.
our buckets and our bellies are full of sugar
and we. are. pooped.

but it sure was fun!
(and this mama is definitely glad that friday halloweens
only come once every 6 years. )

i'm off to bed.
hope your night was great!

boo!

bet you weren't expecting a post from me!

i know i've been a bad blogging mama but we've been busy doing facebook so many things!

school for both boys is keeping me running and lately the harvest activities have been adding another element of crazy to our lives.

and so you, too, can share in our fun, here are a few photos from the last two weeks.

last week was the pumpkin patch with K's preschool.
we went on a hayride, ran through the cornmaze
and then wandered around the pumpkin field for
an hour trying to find the perfect pumpkin.
it was awesome!

above is a group shot of the class...
that's what happens when you try to get
25 toddlers together for a picture, i guess.

then yesterday was the halloween celebration at school for K.
here you can spot him at circle time with his friends
(he's the monkey in the front).
please notice that he is not wearing the robin hood costume
i made him last week,
but rather his brother's old, too small monkey costume
that he found in the costume closet yesterday.

*******
(this used to be a picture of the kids in costume
but i deleted it.)

then this morning it was the big boy's turn.
he did not opt to shun the get-up his mother made for him
but did decide to leave the tights at home. wise choice.
(he'll put those on tonight)

and the day is not over!
we still have a halloween party at E's school this afternoon,
entertaining friends for a spooktacular halloween dinner
followed by trick-or-treating, candy induced craziness
and sugar crash.

stay tuned for more pics!

happy halloween!

this week

K learned to spit at people when he is mad.

GFF came to visit.

i got a huge pimple in my right nostril.

we decorated the porch for halloween.

un-married

we are at the in-laws, staying overnight because we have a family wedding tomorrow. M is officiating so he was at rehearsal tonight when i put the boys to bed.

me: "now, go right to sleep, you guys, because tomorrow is going to be a fun day! we get to go to a wedding!!"

E: "oooh... i've never been to a wedding before!"

K: "what's a wedding?"

me: "well, a wedding is when two people get married. you know sydney and barbie? you know how they are just special friends right now? tomorrow, after we go to their wedding they will be married! like a husband and a wife!"

E: "ooooh... wow. uh, mommy?"

me: "yeah?"

E: "can people get un-married?"

me: "well, they can. but we really hope that sydney and barbie don't get unmarried."

E: "but sometimes people get really mad and they get unmarried, right?"

me: "right."

E: "mommy?"

me: "yes?"

E: "can you ever get un-brothered?"

monday news

well, folks, it's monday and there's just not much happening around here.

k did just come home from soccer practice, though. and as he walked through the front door he informed me that he had FIVE babies in his tummy that were going to be born in FIVE weeks.

so stay tuned. we should be having some excitement in a little over a month.

UPDATE: after his bath K was seen to be nursing a small creature that looked like a rabbit. perhaps there was a premature delivery? and does this mean i'm a grandmother?!

uninspired.

am feeling sooo uninspired lately.

or is it just tired?

or maybe i'm one of those bloggers who can't keep up the posts for longer than a year.

whatever the case, nothing seems funny enough, clever enough, interesting enough for the blog these days. and quite frankly, i am finding it depressing that the only thing i can think of to write about is the laundry or my dirty house. is that what my life has been reduced to?

i'm going to keep trying to find some inspiration.. somewhere.

but for now, i've got nothing.

overheard

"hey! i know! wet's draw a picture of jesus!
wif wots of swords and guns and wight sabers and stuff
to chop people's heads off!!

deceptive calm.

this morning at church i was once again fooled into believing that my children were maturing and my life would possibly, someday be calm.

to my right, E sat peacefully coloring.
K snuggled quietly on my shoulder, content to have me hold him for the moment.

then...

i felt something wet and slimy running down my chest, pooling in my bra...

and realized that K had been intentionally drooling down the front of my shirt.

first day of preschool

sometimes when you are three years old,
preschool, no matter how inviting
can seem kind of intimidating and scarey.

and when it's time to leave for school
on the first day
you get kind of nervous.

so when mommy wants to take a picture
of you on your big day
it feels like the hardest thing in the world
to turn around and smile.

(p.s.: E wants you to know that he started FIRST GRADE
last week and he was kind of nervous too
but now he's just having fun.)

to good to be true

K and i had been out shopping on a very hot, wednesday afternoon.

the trip had gone well thus far, and i was particularly pleased to notice, as i made my way back to the car, that the nearby frozen yogurt shop was offering "99 cent waffle cone wednesday".

i assessed the situation. K, while napless, was relatively calm and i calculated that we had just enough time to down some frozen yumminess before E would need to be picked up from school.

we entered the cool, air conditioned shop and i noticed that the line was long. no worries. K was busy studying the frozen yogurt cakes in the display case, happily distracted.

as i approached the counter to place my order K rejoined me and stood quietly at my side. what a good boy, i thought. he's getting so big! so grown up! and i enjoyed a little warm moment in my heart as i considered this fact.

i was still congratulating myself as i fished for change in the bottom of my purse, and as K continued to follow me quietly to the cash register.

i don't know what it was, actually, that made me stop and glance down at my son before heading to our table. maybe i heard a little giggle. or maybe i just thought waaaait a second, he's been quiet for a really long time...

but when i did...

there was my three year old pride and joy, standing with the biggest grin on his face...

hands on his hips...

with his shorts pulled down around his knees and his penis poking out of the top of his underwear.

"I GOT MY PENIS OUT, MOMMY!"

it's come to this

check out the little gem that greeted me from my inbox this morning:

Dear Zoloft,
When the HELL are you gonna update that stinking blog? Some of us need that like our morning coffee and here you are just putzin around, eating your bon bons, wearing your fuzzy slippers and enjoying two boys in school. WTF. GET OFF YOUR ASS AND UPDATE THAT DAMN BLOG!!

Love,

(name withheld)

uhhh...it appears that some individuals feel that my recent blog break has been a bit too lengthy.

and while i would never want to condone such vulgarity, i do admit that i have been a bit lazy.

so, dear readers, i thank you for your gentle, loving encouragement and i promise to get back to the posting soon.

see you then!

what to do when you accidently send your load of whites throught the dryer with a red crayon

1. cuss.

2. attempt to blame someone other than yourself.

3. cuss.

4. keep laundry in the dryer. shut dryer door.

5. eat a fudgescicle.

6. go to the park in effort to forget the situation.

7. rediscover problem upon return home.

8. cuss.

9. attempt to inspect dryer interior. discover red streaks of crayon everywhere.

10. close dryer door again.

11. go to the kitchen and pour self a stiff drink.

12 . sit on the couch, check email.


beyond that i'm stumped.

anyone have any ideas?

home again, home again

i am focusing on the above picture today because:

1. it contains my beautiful nephew, upon whose face i shall never tire of gazing.
2. it reminds me of a happier time, a time when my children were not bugging the shit out of me.

and someone? anyone? please remind me next time
that saturday (the day before sunday/church day)
is maybe not the best day
to bring exhausted children back
from a fun-filled vacation with their grandparents.

i'd like to think that if we had had even one more day to rest things could have turned out differently.

1. K would not have told my pregnant friend she was going to have an evil baby with a monster head.

2. it would have ocurred to neither E nor K to jump on stage as church was starting in order to show everyone the new, cool BAD GUY laugh that grandpa donut taught them. (MWAA-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaa!!!!).

3. when greeted by an adult, they would have been able to think of something a bit more polite than, "YOU ARE A POOPY HEAD!" or " I THINK YOU HAVE A STUPID POOP NOSE!" to say in return.

on your mark, get set, stop.

it is the way of summer.

just when i was getting back in the groove, we are once again headed off to vacation. it's a real vacation.. no email, no blogging, no cell phone, just family, food and the beach.

i'll be back in a week!

one of them days.

all i have to say is this:

if you're rushing to pick up your babysitter
(whose car broke down)
in the half an hour between swimming lessons
and when you absolutely have to leave for your first therapy appointment
(for those panic attacks you've been having lately)
and you decide to pick up happy meals for the kids on the way
because it's the fastest lunch you can think of..

just please double check
before you get on the freeway
that the cheeseburgers you ordered
are actually in the bag.

this will save you a lot of hassle.

especially if it's rush hour.

boys and dolls

yeah, yeah. i know i promised an update but really, did you think i could pull that together on a sunday?

get real. plus, my batteries on my camera died.

so here's a story from the here and now. why live in the past? life is all about the present, man!

about a month ago i was at the thrift store with K and he discovered an old barbie doll in one of the bins. he thought she was "sparkly" and asked if he could have her and i thought," why not?" for 25 cents she seemed like a bargain.

as is usually the case with thrift store treasures, our barbie was brought through the front door and promptly forgotten. (who needs a silly ol' doll when you can pretend to cut your brother's limbs off with a light saber, right?)

but this morning, for some reason, she's been resurrected.

about an hour ago i watched as K spotted the dollie and fished her out of the toy drawer. E was interested, too, and the first thing they did was strip her of her clothes.

"she needs a bath!" they cried as they raced towards the bathroom.

the stripping of the doll had been a little weird for me. (uhhh, naked dollies? i don't know if that's appropriate. will playing with a naked barbie turn you into a pedophile someday?)

but watching them at the bathroom sink, happily playing together as they soaped barbie's body and washed her hair, i decided i didn't really care. i was getting a minute of peace, wasn't i?

but just now as they brought her to the kitchen table to dry her off and to give her a haircut i heard K exclaim in a voice filled with wonder,

"hey! she has weally big wips!..."

"... and wow! she has weally, weally big BRAS!!"

i think it's time to put barbie away.

not forgotten?

first it was just that too much was going on (grandpas visiting, parties happening, two boys home all day beating the shit out of each other with lightsabers) and there was no time to blog.

then it was that too much had happened (see above and more), i couldn't update you on everything!

then more happened making me fall further behind...
then even more things happened that i just had to fill you in on but couldn't find the time...
then more... you get the picture.

and on it went until i was so overwhelmed at the thought of even logging on to blogger that i just collapsed on the couch with a big bowl of cookie dough ice cream and said, "fuck it. i'll give myself a month off. "

but the month is over and now i'm back! did you miss me?

i'm back.

at least i'm going to try to be back.

am i really back?

maybe i still don't have the time....

no, no. enough is enough. i'm finished with the excuses. it is time once again to blog.

truthfully, i'm really not that dedicated. my life hasn't been that interesting lately and i honestly have no idea where i'll find time to blog in the midst of the constant sibling ass kicking happening around me every day.

i'd still be eating my ice cream and procrastinating, probably not blogging for weeks if it weren't for the fact that i just miss those comments.

i miss you!

my fear is that you've all gone away and there is no one left to comment... everyone gone, busy with their summer fun and forgetting old zoloft mom on the couch.

but that's not true, is it?

mom? dad? you're still out there, right?

kone?

el?

somebody drop me a line and let me know you're still reading. in the meantime i'll try to compile a long, boring update -in- pictures post to entertain you with tomorrow.

i'm here!

really, i'm still alive, although i have yet to figure out when blogging fits into a full summer vacation.

i promise an update soon. and by "soon" i mean for sure before september. (probably)

painful truth

reading books this morning with K.

me: "see, there's a daddy whale and a baby whale..."

K: "oh, no no no. it's a mommy whale. you can tell because mommies have big tummies."

me (feeling nervous): "they do? why do mommies have big tummies?"

K : "they have big tummies because they have babies in there."

me (relieved) "but your mommy doesn't have a baby in her tummy right?"

K :"nope."

me (deciding to still push the point) "so her tummy isn't big."

K :"no, your tummy is just fat."

me (refusing to drop the subject, who knows why.) "no, mommy's tummy isn't fat is it?"

K: "yeah it is. look right there!" (pointing) "it's really, really fat right there."


that little brat.
he's soooo cocky.

maybe i should tell him that his ass doesn't look exactly small in those pull ups he wears, either.

do you feel ignored?

i know, i know. i just haven't been giving you the attention you deserve lately.

i do love you! i just have other things going on right now.

no, no, it's not you. it's me, i promise! i just need to do some prioritizing in my life to make more space for us.

once i get things sorted out i'll be back.

overheard

E: "hey daddy! check out my super-master-blaster-super-disturbing-killer-
machine-gun that i just made out of duplos!"

(okay, okay, maybe that was paraphrased, but you get the idea)

M: "ooooooh... that's great, E. but remember we don't have guns in the house and we never, ever point guns at people."

E: "oh, right...."

(silence)

E: "hey! i've got an idea!"

M: "what's that?"

E: "it could be a love gun! and we could shoot love at everybody!"

light sabers: a theme and variations

someone has been a bit obsessed lately.

and another one down

well, almost down. now M feels like shit but he's not throwing up... yet.

this is an interesting development since we all know that sunday his main event. how does a superstar call in sick? we'll see what happens.

so now i am the last (wo)man standing.

i celebrated this fact by spending my day frantically cleaning house, washing laundry and doing any other household chore i could think of just in case the pukies come my way.

then i went next door and wasted away the rest of my afternoon watching E almost drown and drinking margaritas at my neighbor's graduation/pool party.

alcohol kills germs, right? ha.

stay tuned.

another one bites the dust

K started throwing up this morning at 2:15 a.m.

the fools are out

we made it!

we had lots of fun,


we played with our friends,

we said our goodbyes,
and we even shed a little tear

as we left kindergarten behind.

and what now,then?
looking ahead to a summer of excitement?
eagerly anticipating life as a first grader?

well, yes....
all in good time i'm sure.

but now, my friends...
for the moment, at least..

we are puking.

!!

the face of evil

E: "mommy i just was in the back yard and i saw an evil spirit."

me: "really?"

E: "yes! really!"

me: "sooo...what did it look like?"

E: "wellllll..... it kind of looked like..... daddy."

mommy brain drain

uh oh.

i gots no more big words and i talk bad.

where did all the good words go in my brain? i used to know lots!

am i a dummy?

can't think of any grown up words. that's bad!

anybody else have this too?

please help!

how do i get smarter again?

what do you do to make your brain stay good?

i'm just saying

it's a good thing that there are only four more days left in the school year
because i'm about ready to kill all them bitches.

um, not there...

potty training has been so successful this past week that K thinks he might want to do a poop on the grass at the school BBQ picnic tonight.

"yeah! if i feew it i will just pull down my pants and poop right there!"

wish me luck.

he stopped it, though

K would like you to know that he was not hurting the Bitch,

he "was just wiggling her eyes and peeking in dem
to check and make sure dere was still bwood in dem. "
"i stopped (doing) it, though."

shhhhhhhh!

today i felt like i was on the verge of jumping off the roof and so i conducted a little experiment.

i wondered if my very chatty children would be able to be quiet for one full minute.

so i said to them, "hey, guys! let's see how long you can be quiet! mommy wants to know if you can be quiet for a whole minute! we'll time it! let's see!"

one minute. 60 seconds. 1/60 of an hour.

and do you think they made it?

to be fair, they tried. but no, no they did not make it.

but how long do you think they lasted?

maybe you should guess.
let's make it into a game.

choose one.

my children were able to shut their traps close their mouths and stop their incessant yapping be completely silent for all of:

a. 47 seconds
b. 21 seconds
c. 13 seconds
d. 2 seconds

when six year olds make their own greeting cards

nakid prsin

you know it's time to post when your own mother leaves you nasty comments

for those of you who didn't know or who were confused, i spent this past weekend in nashville at the wedding of my cousin tyrese.

and let me empasize that this was a trip sans chillins.

i was very excited about this trip as i was going to get to see my baby nephew shawnte, tyrese and i have always been incredibly close. additionally, we were going to be staying at the embassy suites with free happy hour every night my whole extended family and i had a hot new pair of shoes to wear so there was much to look forward to.

the wedding was on saturday, the first day i was there
and you would be able to tell that it was held in a gorgeous
old, stone chapel and the bride was absolutely stunning
except baby shawnte kept grinning at me like this
and so somehow i forgot to take pictures of the ceremony.

i guess i was still a little lovestruck
as we waited outside afterwards to blow our bubbles
as the happy couple made their exit.
(too bad, because the getaway car was the funniest i've ever seen,
with "SEXY TIME" written on the front window along with
"GON' DO IT" , "O DAY" and a big cartoon penis on the back)

and at the reception
grandpa and shawnte were being so adorable
i accidentally didn't take any pictures of the bride and groom again
(or anyone/thing else, for that matter.)

that evening we all
had a lovely time chatting and catching
up over the hotel manager's reception (free drinks)
but somehow i don't have any pictures of that, either,
(but i don't think i can blame shawnte for that one.)

sunday night we ditched the baby
and went out for a night on the town.
my cousin lashonda (tyrese's sister) and her husband edwyn
were so kind to show us around the nashville strip,
find us a place to eat some real tennessee barbeque
and to wait patiently as we browsed in at least 15 identical souvenier shops.

and then monday i flew home! where i was
greeted warmly by this smiling face (wearing his souvenier glasses)
and the also smiling, m and m (potty training reward)
stained face of his brother.

it was a good weekend.

home

i'm back!

got in this afternoon after waking up at 3:30 a.m. california time.

so tired.

i'll try to write more tomorrow.

update: just gave K his goodnight kisses and before he closed his eyes he said in a sleepy voice,
"mommy, i'n so happy you're here."
as sleep deprived as i am, that still mushes me right out.

what happens when your brother hits your finger with a hammer

if you can't beat 'em...*

* please also see potty training update

*this post could also be called, "sometimes i'm a genius".

hope

i'm getting ready to go to nashville this friday BY MYSELF.

there's much to do and not a lot of time for blogging.

but a friend sent me this fantastic pic today and i just had to share it.

can't you just feel the excitement?!?!

wouldn't you know it?

wouldn't you know
that the day you are pushed to your breaking point
and decide that you have. had. enough.
and that the little shit just needs a little swat on his little butt to teach him a lesson...

that would be the day you pull down the pull-up
and instead of giving those cheeks
a quick little pat...
your hand ends up landing
on a butt full of poop.

i think it must be a sign.

i must never spank.

i mean, nothing like this has ever happened when i've locked them in the closet.

pull-up head

K has now decided he will poop on the potty after he has a birthday (june 29).

"i go poop on da potty when it's my berfday, mommy."

"i going to go to da corner and do my poop now."

"hey! i feel it comeeng out! i pooped in my diaper!"

"okay, mommy! time for you to change it!"

would it be so bad if i threw him an early party and told him it was his birthday?

do you think tomorrow would be too soon?

nothing nice to say

it's just one of those weeks when i feel like smacking everyone in the face.

or screaming obscenities.

or kicking the dog.

so i'm taking a little break until i feel a bit more positive.

for the sake of everyone in my household, let's hope that's soon.

all about my mom, by E

we found this card E had made for me at school as i was tucking him in for the night. it was so late and i was so exasperated from a loooooooong ride home from grandma's house with horrible,crabby, sleepy children that i almost didn't open it. but E insisted. and i'm so glad he did.

(underlined words are the ones he filled in)

my mom has brown hair and ________ eyes.
she is 7 feet tall and weighs 10 pounds.
my mom likes to play with me and my brother.
she is happy when me and my brother don't bother her.
her favorite TV show is ______________.
my mom is very smart. she knows all about being a nurse.
my mom likes to eat things she makes.
my mom doesn't like me or my brother hitting each other with light sabers.
if my mom could have one wish come true, it would be that we were always nice to each other.
my mom is very special to me because she loves me a lot.

and that was enough to bring this bitchy mom to tears.

happy mother's day, all my fellow maternal sisters.
i hope, whether in big or small ways, that you were able to feel the love today too.

mystery moisture

i just helped K to go pee on the potty a few minutes ago.

now i notice that somehow, disturbingly, my own pants are wet in the ass.

hmmmm....

this may be one of those mysteries i don't really want to solve.

the skywalker family band

when all that rebel/imperial fighting gets to be
a bit too much, annakin and luke skywalker find it
helpful to put their differences aside,
dress up in tights and cars slippers
and have a good old fashioned jam session.

new potty training tactic?

K: "mommy, i want to dwess up wike wuke skywalker."

me (distracted by the computer): "uh... okay."

K: " i need you to help me take my cwoze off."

me: "uh-huuhh.."

K (doing it himself because his mother is such a spaced out loser/woser): "i need you to help me take off my diaper."

me (suddenly sensing an opportunity but deciding to remain nonchalant) : "okay, but first you have to go wee wee on the potty."

K: "okay" (just like that, and then walks to the bathroom without fuss to urinate independently.)*

!!

could it be that i've stumbled on something?



*this reminds me... i think this pee might still be sitting in the potty.

long post, no pictures, maybe interesting only if you know me.

this week and last have brought me some crap, true that.

but surprisingly, there have been a handful of not-at-all crappy occurrences that i think are worth mentioning.

1. i am going to start volunteering at a local clinic: i've been feeling like a big loser since quitting my job last november and have been DESPERATELY NEEDING to do something that uses my brain (in a different way than motherhood, of course. that's mentally challenging in it's own special way). so i hooked up with a clinic for moms and babies in my neighborhood and i start there next week monday! i'm just working for a few hours each week doing health assessments but i can't even tell you how excited i am about this.

2. on thursday i actually got a BABYSITTER and went out with ADULTS whose company i ENJOY to see the "this american life" movie! the movie was great (did anyone else see it?), conversation was interesting and i didn't have to break up any lightsaber fights or change even one poopy diaper. it was the best.

3. i got a grant!

if you know any "celebrity wives*" like myself, you know that our life, while glamorous, can also be quite lonely and can mess a girl up in the head.

so, some friends (also trophy wives) and i developed a proposal for building community for ourselves as we live this fishbowl life and submitted it to an organization that gives grants to people like us. it was kind of a crapshoot,( especially since we felt the best way to "build community" was to go out for dinner and drinks once a month together) but we sent it in anyway. what did we have to lose?

apparently nothing! i got a letter on friday informing me that we had been approved! free money! so i will be meeting with my fellow celebrity sisters once a month for dinner, all expenses paid, for the next year! expect very sane, well rounded posts to come.

and that's that.

so see? i can write posts that shock you and make you wonder if i'm doing okay, but there's also lots of good going on. and i really am doing much better.

*all this talk of "celebrity" and "trophy wife" got you lost? if you want to know my true identity, email me at zoloftmom@gmail.com, ask nicely and i might just tell you.

not relax-ey

putting K (back) to bed tonight, after catching him (for the second time) climbing the bunk bed ladder and poking his sleeping brother in the face.

me (tucking him in tight, wishing for some kind of restraint device, but resorting instead to the power of suggestion): "there... don't you feel sooo relaxed now?"

K: "no! i don't feel rewax-ey!! i feel vewwy getting uppey!!"

off we go

i was on the phone with M, no doubt complaining about some aspect of my day. it was, after all, friday afternoon.

M, who had had his own pretty terrible week, was understanding.

"wouldn't it be great to be able to get in a hot tub and just relax right now?" he wondered.

it was a question that would change our weekend.

"let's just do it!" was barely out of my mouth before we were both on our respective laptops, searching for a kid-friendly jacuzzi getaway.

and now, not an hour later, we're off! we're actually going! we're packing up the kids and heading to the embassy suites for some movies on demand, pizza in bed (E's dream), free happy hour and an indoor pool and jacuzzi.

because sometimes, when life hands you shit, you just have to drop everything and head out of town.

question

is it better to eat 50 cookies all at once?

or to eat one cookie a day for fifty days?*

*due to the urgency of this matter, prompt responses would be much appreciated.

is it really what's on the inside that counts?

E was like a little tornado as he came to give me a good night hug.

jumping from chair to chair, climbing up chair backs, springing onto the couch next to me then finally landing in my lap, all the time giggling wildly. (hey,was that a manic look i caught in his eyes? this was supposed to be bedtime!)

as he wrapped his arms around my neck to say good night, he pressed his flushed little face next to my ear and offered, in a crazed whisper:

"mommy! i'm an ALIEN inside!!!!!" then leaped to the floor and scurried off to bed.

and you know what? i believe him.

it just explains so much.

big boys in beds

look at these big boys in their new, big boy bunk bed!
i scored this bed on craigslist yesterday and M set it up today.

E, who has said all along that he wants nothing to do with the top bunk,
jumped up as soon as it was set up and hasn't been down since.

K, who i thought for sure would have a hard time
giving up the security of his cage crib,
declared, "I SWEEPING IN DIS BED TONIGHT WIF E!"
and that was the end of that.

and then there's me,
the one who couldn't wait to get her room back to herself after almost three years,
suddenly feeling that little twinge in my stomach that comes
from watching my children take another step towards growing up.

(sigh.)

update: it is 8:34, a half an hour since we said goodnight.
K has been out of bed 4 times to chase the dog,
(who he suddenly decided he can't sleep without),
to put his sippy cup on the floor,
to take off his socks
and to remind me that he is going to wake me up in the morning.
E has climbed down twice and has now determined that there is NO WAY
he can rest unless he is on the bottom bunk and is threatening to cry.

the twinge is gone.

young bride and groom share quiet moment together

dear dumbass,

i know the fact that i just told you i'm having a miscarriage makes you feel uncomfortable and you just want to say something, anything to make me feel better. but you know what? don't. i'd rather be left alone.

left alone. as in, i'd like to spend some time by myself.

no, i don't want to talk about it and i don't want you to try to force me to either, even if you "know exactly what (i'm) going through" because you "went through the exact same thing last year," or your sister did, or your neighbor's daughter, or whatever.

and i know you are just trying to be nice, but please do not tell me to " look at the bright side" or suggest that "maybe this was meant to be." that does not fucking help.

it does not help, either, for you to remind me that my pregnancy never really was viable since it's just a blighted ovum and so i'm not really losing a baby. you have no fucking idea what i'm losing.

and please, for the love of God, do not drop by my house unannounced. even if you have the most interesting tidbit you absolutely must tell me right now, please wait. or call ahead. actually no, just wait.

give me a hug, send me an email, tell me you'd love to talk when i'm ready and then just act like your normal self.

but if you can't do that then please, just leave me. the fuck. alone.

thanks.

ps. to the friends who got it right (chocolate, flowers and kind words are always right)... i love you.

pps update: uhhh... i think maybe this post for many of you was the equivalent of me pooping in your living room and then leaving without an explanation, right? i'm so sorry. sometimes i'm the one who's a dumbass. i wrote this in a pissed frenzy (in response to the insensitivity of just one or two people, really) and then posted, forgetting that real people in my life actually read this blog. if you're one of the ones who worried about me after reading this, please know i am doing much better now. (and if you want to call just to make sure, don't be frightened. )

200,50,000??

E: "mommy, how many seconds have i been alive?"

me: "ohhhhh... a lot, honey. i'm not sure i could count all of them."

E: "like two thousand fifty hundred?"

me: "no, more."

E: "like, one hundred thousand five hundred thousand?"

me: "no, even more than that."

E: "like...one hundred thousand thousand five ten fifty thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand thousand hundred?

(pause)

me: "yes."

E: "that's kind of what i thought."

awkward or awesome?

meeting your neighbor (with whom you only have a very casual, waving relationship and who you frequently see lounging in her front yard wearing only a nightgown as she plays with her 9 cats) in the grocery store and stopping for a little chat.

then, as you are about to say your goodbyes, your neighbor casually mentioning (in a very loud voice for the middle of the produce department) that she is "GETTING INTO PASSION PARTIES AND WOULD YOU LIKE TO HOST ONE AT YOUR HOUSE SOME TIME???"

followed by you mumbling something like, "yeah.. that sounds great..." (yet wondering how strange it would be to have your neighbor demonstrating the use of a "jelly clitteriffic" in your living room) as her face lights up.

and ending with her exclaiming, "WONDERFUL!! I'LL DROP SOME CATALOGS (which you know to be full of sex toys and dildos) BY YOUR HOUSE TOMORROW!"

so i can't decide.

weird? or totally great?

new culinary low

friends, i actually burned macaroni and cheese today.

burned.

macaroni and cheese.

what more is there to say?

oh, sweet innocence of youth

he has no idea why this hot dog is funny.

happy birthday, E!

look who turned six years old today!
(i am deciding to just think about the fun part about this fact
and not to linger too long on how these years have flown by and
how that makes me want to puke just a little bit. )

the day started on a celebratory note as we rang in the birthday
over sausages, eggs and toast. the children (especially K) were
jubilant after receiving the news that they
would not be eating cheerios and milk for the eighth morning in a row.

at breakfast K kept saying,
"when do we give E his BIKE?"
in a very loud, hard to ignore voice.
miraculously, E did not actually hear what his brother was saying but
we chose to open presents next, just to be safe.

E was delighted at the surprise gift of a new bike and
tried to make a case for staying home from school all day
just to practice riding it.

when i said, "that's fine, then mommy will just have to eat all those
chocolate cupcakes i made last night."
(secretly hoping somehow this would work out)
he was in the car within five minutes.

after school we headed to the park to test out the new ride
and to have a picnic of cheeseburgers and french fries with grandma c.

K, who didn't have a new ride, chased the bitch with a stick instead.

in the afternoon, while mommy rushed around frantically
trying to make the house look presentable/not stink for the party,
E relaxed on the couch with his comfy, new, batman neck pillow from auntie laura.

we ended the day with a backyard party filled with many of E's favorites:
people (neighbors), food (hot dogs, chips and chocolate cake)
and presents (weapons and star wars paraphenalia).

i'm no six year old, but i'd have to say it was a pretty damn good birthday.

drum set girl

K was counting family members.

"we have me... E... mommy... and daddy!" he paused, looking around.
then, "we used to have a sister but we don't have her anymore."

this was something new. i did a quick memory check. had i given birth to another child at one point and forgotten? no, definitely not. what then? was there something in our past that could have been mistaken as a sister that was now causing this conversation? i decided to dig deeper.

what was her name, K?

"hers name was drum set girl." (nodding) " she was fun. "

daddy caught wind of our convo and joined in.

"what did she look like?"

"oh, she have yewwow hair." (again, very confident.)

"oooh, yellow haired drumset girl! what happened to her?"

"she had to go bye bye. she was too bespensive."

and there you have it.

inspiration

friends, there is nothing more inspiring

than discovering a perfect thrift store jewel.

gff and i went out today for some second hand fun

and i scored these awesome old school pepsi superhero glasses for 99 cents apiece!

i can't decide whether to keep them or sell them,
but right now they're lined up on the counter

for me to gaze at their cloaked fineness and to gently caress their painted on tights.

damn, that wonder woman is hot.

i know, i know..

i haven't really been posting lately.

there are reasons, of course. here they are, no whining intended.

1. am completely uninspired. i think this has something to do with the fact that i have been stuck at home for most of the past three weeks. creative juices are just not flowing.

2. computer is broken. again. can you believe it? but this time i get an actual new one as a replacement. it's on its way.

3. gff and grandpa donut are here!! they got here on friday and are here for a week. and, since most of my posting is for them anyway, i'm taking it easy this week.


so i hope i'm back to normal soon and that you don't all leave during this little break.

crying all the time

we were enjoying an early evening picnic dinner on the lawn.

E, quite sleep deprived on this thursday night, was easily distracted from the meal and instead kept jumping up to grab a weapon and engage in some imaginary battle going on around us.

his little brother, of course, was quick to follow.

each time i would ask them to please for the love of god STOP
and each time they would whine back, "awwwwww, whyyyyyyyy mommmmyyy?" as though mine was the most ridiculous request they had ever heard.

i tolerated this as long as i could (approximately 2 minutes) before i lost my mind.

"E!" i snapped, "do you know that when you were two like your brother we didn't even let you have any weapons at all?!?!? nothing! no guns or swords or anything!!"

E stopped. K put down his chicken nugget machine gun. this was too crazy to be true.

M chimed in. "yeah,E! when you were two you didn't even know what a gun was!"

both boys looked back at us, very solemn and silent.

after a moment K said very seriously,

"oh.... and was E just crying all the time?"

silly me

when he said, "mommy, i want some peanut butter and jewwy"

i thought he meant that he wanted it with bread..

...not just to gnaw it off the top of the bread.

it's getting old for all of us.

K: mommy, where is God?

me: he's everywhere, K.

K: oh! is he right here?

me: yup.

K: wif me?

me: yup, he is!

K: oh! can he pway wif me?

me: would that be fun, honey, if God played with you?

K: yeah.. because his knee is not owie.

and if you can't beat them...

get out the sprinkles..

the easter candy and the tube of spray frosting...

let them gorge themselves with as much as they want...

then sit back and wait...

for the sugar crash.

happy friday, everyone!

wishing you all a little peace and sanity
(however you can get it)
as you count down the hours until the weekend.

what's wrong with spanking, again?

i know we're not supposed to do it anymore, but i forget why.

it's just that sometimes it would be so satisfying to just give 'em a good, hard whack.


(p.s. never bring your already grouchy two year old to the park for a playdate when you are partially immobile and on crutches.)

potty training update

more overheard

E :"hey, K! let's play a game!"

K:"okay!"

E: "let's play that game where we put underwear on our heads and stuff socks in it and jump on mommy's bed!"

K: "okay! i wuv dat game!"

**************

what's more disturbing?

the game itself or the fact that i have no idea what they're talking about?

another reason why i go crazy

the eighth time out today.
(the first one was five minutes after we woke up.)
you can't see it, but his brother is having
a concurrent time out in the other room.

you also can't tell that they are both sobbing
as though their worlds are ending
as this picture is being taken.
all because one little brother
decided to scribble on the legs
of the older brother's darth vader picture.

i am reflecting on the fact that at 10 a.m. i considered
writing a post about how today was going so much better than yesterday.

that was weird.
must have been the drugs talking.

why i go crazy

me: "K, do you want milk or water with your lunch?"

K: "i want juice."

me: "no, do you want milk or water?"

K: "juice."

me (getting irritated but trying to remain calm): " we don't have juice. milk or water?!?"

K: "juice"

me: "ok, i'm going to pour you some milk"

K: " water."

me: "ok, here's your water"

K: " NOOOO, I WAAAANT MIIIIIIIIWLK!!!"

still stuck on the couch

knee is not better.

am pissed at M.

the dog just bit K.

house a mess around me.

no creative juices.

too fed up to post, anyway.

fourth

i'm trying not to take personally the order in which hugs were doled out tonight after the kids returned from grandma's.

it went something like this.

1. hug the dog
2. go next door to the neighbors' house, hug their baby
3. hug daddy (of course)

(brief interlude of picking up sticks, waving them at the dog, dressing up like a night in shining armor, etc. etc.)

4. hug mommy

fun with "crunches"

in an amazing development,
these children have been taken to their grandmother's house
for two nights to allow me
to rest on the couch with my foot up, watch trashy television
and read smutty magazines all day.

why didn't i sprain my knee sooner?
this is the best vacation i've had in years!