Saturday, April 26, 2008

dear dumbass,

i know the fact that i just told you i'm having a miscarriage makes you feel uncomfortable and you just want to say something, anything to make me feel better. but you know what? don't. i'd rather be left alone.

left alone. as in, i'd like to spend some time by myself.

no, i don't want to talk about it and i don't want you to try to force me to either, even if you "know exactly what (i'm) going through" because you "went through the exact same thing last year," or your sister did, or your neighbor's daughter, or whatever.

and i know you are just trying to be nice, but please do not tell me to " look at the bright side" or suggest that "maybe this was meant to be." that does not fucking help.

it does not help, either, for you to remind me that my pregnancy never really was viable since it's just a blighted ovum and so i'm not really losing a baby. you have no fucking idea what i'm losing.

and please, for the love of God, do not drop by my house unannounced. even if you have the most interesting tidbit you absolutely must tell me right now, please wait. or call ahead. actually no, just wait.

give me a hug, send me an email, tell me you'd love to talk when i'm ready and then just act like your normal self.

but if you can't do that then please, just leave me. the fuck. alone.

thanks.

ps. to the friends who got it right (chocolate, flowers and kind words are always right)... i love you.

pps update: uhhh... i think maybe this post for many of you was the equivalent of me pooping in your living room and then leaving without an explanation, right? i'm so sorry. sometimes i'm the one who's a dumbass. i wrote this in a pissed frenzy (in response to the insensitivity of just one or two people, really) and then posted, forgetting that real people in my life actually read this blog. if you're one of the ones who worried about me after reading this, please know i am doing much better now. (and if you want to call just to make sure, don't be frightened. )

7 comments:

claire f.s. said...

Zoloft Mom is a hardcore bitch. I find that very endearing in this day and age of dumb, phony broads. Thank you, Zoloft Mom.

claire f.s. said...

Dear Zoloft Mom-

Is this letter a cry for help? Do need to talk about your recent miscarriage adventures? You should call so that we can have a big, sloppy cry session.

rents said...

I wish I was over on your side of the world right now so I could give you that hug! I love you, zoloft mom! gff

Lara said...

It's always tough to lose a baby. And I think it's especially hard when you never got to hold it... to touch it. Because you love it anyway, but since it wasn't visible people don't seem to understand that it WAS a real baby. You get the cliche pats on the back to feel better when all you really want to do is sit on the floor and hug yourself and cry about the baby that you'll never get to hold.

A lot of us have been through it. But everyone's hurt is different. It's easy to forget that.

daysgoby said...

I'm sorry.

Kone said...

now THAT is a blog worth reading. and yo, zm. Thanks to YOU for always getting it right.

Beck said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs to you.