merry christmas.

for this particular holiday, santa has apparently decided to give me
the return of my menstrual cycle.

thanks, santa.

oh goodness.

K just called to me to wipe his bottom, but when i got there he said,

"hold on a minute, mommy. i'm meditating."

time flies

here's the little miss!
isn't she just the picture of cuteness?

ps. K helped with the sign.

my glamorous life

here's a new one:

wiping boogers off my boobs after breastfeeeding a baby with a cold.

lovely.

tuesday morning

grocery store.

crying baby.

poop in diaper, on pants, up shirt, in carseat.

no wipes.

crazy baby clothes change in store restroom.

four year old crawling on bathroom floor.

second attempt at shopping.

no list.

crying baby.

wandering four-year-old.

cashier.

groceries bagged.

no wallet.

no kidding.

breakfast question

K had a question for us yesterday as he chewed on his morning toast,

"Um, excuse me daddy?"

"Yes?"

"Is it okay for me to smoke at the table?"

i bet you were wondering

12 days. past her due date. that's how long it took that baby girl to come out. not that you were wondering, since anyone who still reads this blog is probably either my mom or related to me in some other way.

anyway, miss M was born on 9/9/09 at 7:49 and it has been a fun ride since then. seriously, she's a pretty chilled out baby compared to those brothers of hers...not a lot of crying, a good deal of sleeping (at the right times). she's been pretty good to us so far.

but it's been busy, you know? and this mama doesn't really have a lot of extra blog time. so i'm sorry for the silence and i'll try my best to keep you updated in the future.

how many times have i said that? let's not count.

xoxo

the overdue blues

ha. as though a due date means anything at all.

9 days late and counting, not that i care or anything.

i feel like i'm living in this strange reality. every day i make plan A and then plan B, just in case. i do things for the last time before baby (like shave, vacuum the living room, do a load of laundry, etc. etc.) and then i do them again. and again.

i've also done all the things that i should be doing, so don't go asking me about it or giving me suggestions. and by the way, it's all bullshit. if sex or herbs or walking got a baby out i'd have a three week old by now.

i guess i shouldn't be surprised. with E i was a full 14 days late. but he was my FIRST and somehow it seems like i should get some kind of break with the THIRD one, don't you think?

so that's the latest. just keeping you posted. believe me, i'll let you know if something happens. if it ever happens. which right now i'm pretty sure it never will.

it's time

well, it's not really but i wish it was.

today at church someone told me i looked "healthy."

someone not five minutes later said "you look so great... for being due this week!"

i wanted to tell them both "f**k you very much" but thought they might find that slightly disturbing coming from the pastor's wife.

what the...

is it too late to go back? have i made a horrible mistake?

yesterday E and K got themselves out of bed (after sleeping peacefully the whole night long) and proceeded to play quietly until M got up and fed them breakfast. i slept until 8.

later we went to the park, where we met some friends with kids the same age as mine. i spent the time chatting it up with the girls while my boys ran around playing and requiring minimal, if any, intervention.

also, at various points in my day my children will now retreat to their room to play together (again independently) or quietly BY THEMSELVES.

and did i mention that everyone sleeps through the night? as in, they wake me up NEVER?

not to mention the fact that they feed and clothe themselves and hardly ever pee or poop in their pants anymore.

oh goodness.

what have i done?

for kone.

well my, my. doesn't the time fly.

let's do a little fast forward since my last update.

i'm now almost done being pregnant... with a GIRL. i'm 37 and a half weeks and bitchy as hell.

sorry that i haven't been writing lately... it all got to be too much, you know. the daily posting and the constant navel gazing that i had to do to find something to write about day after day... i started to make myself nauseous (or was that the morning sickness?)

anyway, don't go thinking i'm back, because i'm not making any promises. i just wanted to say hi and that i've missed you, even though it doesn't really look like it.

also, i just peed my pants for the third time today and who else was i going to tell?

(note added at 10:53 pm, same night: make that four times. the details are too much even for this blog, but suffice it to say that it was one for the books. sigh. )

overheard

from the bathroom this morning:

"after i pull up my pants then we can do some hugs."

canner

it should be noted that the youngest son (K) decided yesterday to change his name to "Canner".

we are still in the "getting to know you" phase of our relationship but so far these are the things i have noticed about our Canner:

1. always wears cape (actually, a brown hoodie hanging from his head)
2. walks with cane
3. lives in garage
4. likes to play piano
5. sings sad songs about people who are dead.

i've tried to snap a picture for you but apparently Canner does not allow himself to be photographed.

queen frostine

folks, meet queen frostine, latest object of K's affection.

he noticed her while playing a morning game of Candyland with M today and immediately decided they would be married.

"how will you get her to marry you?" M asked.

this gave K momentary pause but after a moment's thought he quickly found his solution.

"when she is lost in the forest she will say 'help! help!' and then i will go and look for her and find her and then we will get married."

this seemed to satisfy both father and son for a while and they resumed their game quietly.

"what a sweet boy," i thought as i listened in, proud of raising a little knight in shining armor.

soon, however, K broke the silence with another thought about his new lady love.

" i really just like her breasts, daddy. "

M: "uh, you do?"

K: " yeah, they're so BIG!"

M: "uhhhhhhhhhhhh..."

K: "LET ME EAT THAT BIG, JUICY MAMA!!!!!!"


seriously, folks. what's a mother to do?

tired

i get to this point in my day when the kids are in bed and i have a little time to blog
but all i feel is tired.

tired. tired. tired.

i do have a few stories that you might find entertaining but the very thought of typing them
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zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

pregnant!

i know no one really reads this blog anymore anyway. but on the off chance that there is someone out there reading who doesn't actually know me in real life, here's the news:

i'm knocked up.

i'll let you get over your shock.

privets

E was in his top bunk for quiet time this afternoon. he doesn't nap anymore so i had said it would be fine if he did some drawing instead. (i don't really care as long as i get some peace and quiet for a half an hour, obviously.)

i stopped by the door of his room to check on how he was doing at the same time that he launched a crumpled up piece of paper at the garbage can next to me.

he missed and i bent to pick up the paper.

E: "no, mommy! don't look at that!"

me: "E, i was just going to throw it away."

E: (looking relieved) "oh, okay.. just don't look at it."

me: "what is it, honey? is it your poem from earlier today?*"

E: "um, nooo... it's WAY naughtier."

i was intrigued, of course. being the wonderful mommy that i am, and since i value my children's right to privacy i tossed that crumpled ball right into the garbage and left it there.

until tonight, when i had to take a little peek.




*while on a playdate in the morning, E, trying to be the very naughtiest he could be, had written a poem with the words "tenders" (latest first grade word for "testicles") and "privits".

aspirations

K: "when i grow up, i want to be.... a grown up."

E: "when i grow up i want to be just like mommy... and do nothing."

fyi

K would like you to know that the game, "hide and seek"

was not called as such in its original context.

"when the game was first, like when it was the start,

they didn't call it 'hide and seek', but they called it 'hide and DEEK'.

they did! really! it's true!

and then, one day they changed it just a little bit and they started just to call it hide and SEEK."


and who is "they?"

"the guys. the ones who were playing it first."

i just thought you might find that information helpful.

you know, for the next time you're at a cocktail party
or playing trivial pursuit or something.

when i'm big

K and i were driving in the car, enjoying a gorgeous, sunny day.

me: "K, this day is so pretty, i think we need to have our windows rolled down!"

K: "can i have mine down, too?"

me: "well, just a bit. but not too far because kids can't really have their windows all the way down."

K:"why not?"

me: "because sometimes it makes kids want to stick their hands out of the window and that is just dangerous."

pause.

K: "mommy, when will i be big enough to drive?"

me: " when you are sixteen years old. like kayla (the babysitter)."

K: "when i am sixteen i will drive all by myself!"

me: "yep!"

K: " and put my arm out the window..."

me: "sure!"

K: "and listen to NPR... and watch the inauguration..."


i think i'm going to like that kid when he gets older. :)

the bright side

after dealing with my own fresh cold all day,

i just wiped the diarrhea from both my children's backsides,

sent them to bed with puke buckets

and strict instructions to come get me if they threw up or pooped their pants.

but i'm looking at the bright side:

i just got a free ticket to skipping church and staying in pajamas all day tomorrow.

you never know what they're going to bring home from school these days.

i was in the living room when E burst into the house.

"hey mom!" he called to me from the kitchen.

"hey mom! i have three balls!!!"

i didn't answer, as i like to proceed with caution in any conversation involving balls.

"moooom!" (giggles) "i've got THREE balls! guess what kind they are!"

"uhh..." i was nervous, "um, basketball, soccer and football?"

"football is one kind. but i have TWO more! guess what kind they are!" this was followed by more giggles.

i was getting increasingly uncomfortable but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"i don't know, E, maybe golf and a wiffle ball?"

"nope!" (fits of giggling) " i have TWO and they are the same kind!"

two balls? the same kind? uncontrollable laughter? it could only be one thing.

that was it. i wasn't going to stand for this first grade immaturity. and also, this was a completely inappropriate way to be joking around with one's mother.

"E! are you saying something kind of naughty?!?!" i stormed into the kitchen.

only to encounter my giggling son...

...holding his football and TWO oranges.

oh.