when six year olds make their own greeting cards

nakid prsin

you know it's time to post when your own mother leaves you nasty comments

for those of you who didn't know or who were confused, i spent this past weekend in nashville at the wedding of my cousin tyrese.

and let me empasize that this was a trip sans chillins.

i was very excited about this trip as i was going to get to see my baby nephew shawnte, tyrese and i have always been incredibly close. additionally, we were going to be staying at the embassy suites with free happy hour every night my whole extended family and i had a hot new pair of shoes to wear so there was much to look forward to.

the wedding was on saturday, the first day i was there
and you would be able to tell that it was held in a gorgeous
old, stone chapel and the bride was absolutely stunning
except baby shawnte kept grinning at me like this
and so somehow i forgot to take pictures of the ceremony.

i guess i was still a little lovestruck
as we waited outside afterwards to blow our bubbles
as the happy couple made their exit.
(too bad, because the getaway car was the funniest i've ever seen,
with "SEXY TIME" written on the front window along with
"GON' DO IT" , "O DAY" and a big cartoon penis on the back)

and at the reception
grandpa and shawnte were being so adorable
i accidentally didn't take any pictures of the bride and groom again
(or anyone/thing else, for that matter.)

that evening we all
had a lovely time chatting and catching
up over the hotel manager's reception (free drinks)
but somehow i don't have any pictures of that, either,
(but i don't think i can blame shawnte for that one.)

sunday night we ditched the baby
and went out for a night on the town.
my cousin lashonda (tyrese's sister) and her husband edwyn
were so kind to show us around the nashville strip,
find us a place to eat some real tennessee barbeque
and to wait patiently as we browsed in at least 15 identical souvenier shops.

and then monday i flew home! where i was
greeted warmly by this smiling face (wearing his souvenier glasses)
and the also smiling, m and m (potty training reward)
stained face of his brother.

it was a good weekend.

home

i'm back!

got in this afternoon after waking up at 3:30 a.m. california time.

so tired.

i'll try to write more tomorrow.

update: just gave K his goodnight kisses and before he closed his eyes he said in a sleepy voice,
"mommy, i'n so happy you're here."
as sleep deprived as i am, that still mushes me right out.

what happens when your brother hits your finger with a hammer

if you can't beat 'em...*

* please also see potty training update

*this post could also be called, "sometimes i'm a genius".

hope

i'm getting ready to go to nashville this friday BY MYSELF.

there's much to do and not a lot of time for blogging.

but a friend sent me this fantastic pic today and i just had to share it.

can't you just feel the excitement?!?!

wouldn't you know it?

wouldn't you know
that the day you are pushed to your breaking point
and decide that you have. had. enough.
and that the little shit just needs a little swat on his little butt to teach him a lesson...

that would be the day you pull down the pull-up
and instead of giving those cheeks
a quick little pat...
your hand ends up landing
on a butt full of poop.

i think it must be a sign.

i must never spank.

i mean, nothing like this has ever happened when i've locked them in the closet.

pull-up head

K has now decided he will poop on the potty after he has a birthday (june 29).

"i go poop on da potty when it's my berfday, mommy."

"i going to go to da corner and do my poop now."

"hey! i feel it comeeng out! i pooped in my diaper!"

"okay, mommy! time for you to change it!"

would it be so bad if i threw him an early party and told him it was his birthday?

do you think tomorrow would be too soon?

nothing nice to say

it's just one of those weeks when i feel like smacking everyone in the face.

or screaming obscenities.

or kicking the dog.

so i'm taking a little break until i feel a bit more positive.

for the sake of everyone in my household, let's hope that's soon.

all about my mom, by E

we found this card E had made for me at school as i was tucking him in for the night. it was so late and i was so exasperated from a loooooooong ride home from grandma's house with horrible,crabby, sleepy children that i almost didn't open it. but E insisted. and i'm so glad he did.

(underlined words are the ones he filled in)

my mom has brown hair and ________ eyes.
she is 7 feet tall and weighs 10 pounds.
my mom likes to play with me and my brother.
she is happy when me and my brother don't bother her.
her favorite TV show is ______________.
my mom is very smart. she knows all about being a nurse.
my mom likes to eat things she makes.
my mom doesn't like me or my brother hitting each other with light sabers.
if my mom could have one wish come true, it would be that we were always nice to each other.
my mom is very special to me because she loves me a lot.

and that was enough to bring this bitchy mom to tears.

happy mother's day, all my fellow maternal sisters.
i hope, whether in big or small ways, that you were able to feel the love today too.

mystery moisture

i just helped K to go pee on the potty a few minutes ago.

now i notice that somehow, disturbingly, my own pants are wet in the ass.

hmmmm....

this may be one of those mysteries i don't really want to solve.

the skywalker family band

when all that rebel/imperial fighting gets to be
a bit too much, annakin and luke skywalker find it
helpful to put their differences aside,
dress up in tights and cars slippers
and have a good old fashioned jam session.

new potty training tactic?

K: "mommy, i want to dwess up wike wuke skywalker."

me (distracted by the computer): "uh... okay."

K: " i need you to help me take my cwoze off."

me: "uh-huuhh.."

K (doing it himself because his mother is such a spaced out loser/woser): "i need you to help me take off my diaper."

me (suddenly sensing an opportunity but deciding to remain nonchalant) : "okay, but first you have to go wee wee on the potty."

K: "okay" (just like that, and then walks to the bathroom without fuss to urinate independently.)*

!!

could it be that i've stumbled on something?



*this reminds me... i think this pee might still be sitting in the potty.

long post, no pictures, maybe interesting only if you know me.

this week and last have brought me some crap, true that.

but surprisingly, there have been a handful of not-at-all crappy occurrences that i think are worth mentioning.

1. i am going to start volunteering at a local clinic: i've been feeling like a big loser since quitting my job last november and have been DESPERATELY NEEDING to do something that uses my brain (in a different way than motherhood, of course. that's mentally challenging in it's own special way). so i hooked up with a clinic for moms and babies in my neighborhood and i start there next week monday! i'm just working for a few hours each week doing health assessments but i can't even tell you how excited i am about this.

2. on thursday i actually got a BABYSITTER and went out with ADULTS whose company i ENJOY to see the "this american life" movie! the movie was great (did anyone else see it?), conversation was interesting and i didn't have to break up any lightsaber fights or change even one poopy diaper. it was the best.

3. i got a grant!

if you know any "celebrity wives*" like myself, you know that our life, while glamorous, can also be quite lonely and can mess a girl up in the head.

so, some friends (also trophy wives) and i developed a proposal for building community for ourselves as we live this fishbowl life and submitted it to an organization that gives grants to people like us. it was kind of a crapshoot,( especially since we felt the best way to "build community" was to go out for dinner and drinks once a month together) but we sent it in anyway. what did we have to lose?

apparently nothing! i got a letter on friday informing me that we had been approved! free money! so i will be meeting with my fellow celebrity sisters once a month for dinner, all expenses paid, for the next year! expect very sane, well rounded posts to come.

and that's that.

so see? i can write posts that shock you and make you wonder if i'm doing okay, but there's also lots of good going on. and i really am doing much better.

*all this talk of "celebrity" and "trophy wife" got you lost? if you want to know my true identity, email me at zoloftmom@gmail.com, ask nicely and i might just tell you.

not relax-ey

putting K (back) to bed tonight, after catching him (for the second time) climbing the bunk bed ladder and poking his sleeping brother in the face.

me (tucking him in tight, wishing for some kind of restraint device, but resorting instead to the power of suggestion): "there... don't you feel sooo relaxed now?"

K: "no! i don't feel rewax-ey!! i feel vewwy getting uppey!!"

off we go

i was on the phone with M, no doubt complaining about some aspect of my day. it was, after all, friday afternoon.

M, who had had his own pretty terrible week, was understanding.

"wouldn't it be great to be able to get in a hot tub and just relax right now?" he wondered.

it was a question that would change our weekend.

"let's just do it!" was barely out of my mouth before we were both on our respective laptops, searching for a kid-friendly jacuzzi getaway.

and now, not an hour later, we're off! we're actually going! we're packing up the kids and heading to the embassy suites for some movies on demand, pizza in bed (E's dream), free happy hour and an indoor pool and jacuzzi.

because sometimes, when life hands you shit, you just have to drop everything and head out of town.

question

is it better to eat 50 cookies all at once?

or to eat one cookie a day for fifty days?*

*due to the urgency of this matter, prompt responses would be much appreciated.