park horror

it was a tranquil morning. K and i were at the park. he was playing happily in the sand while i sat by and watched, lost in my own thoughts (or lack therof), a bit of drool edging out of the corner of my mouth.

suddenly, his head snapped up. "a cow, mommy! wet's go find it! i hear a cow!" and jumped up.

i was shaken from my daze. a cow? okay... i guess i can play this game. let's go find the cow.

"come on, K! mommy will help! let's see if we can find it! where did you hear it?"

"ovuh dare, mommy! ovuh dare, mommy!" (pointing)

enjoying the active imagination in my two-year-old, i eagerly looked in the direction of his gaze, ready to lasso this imaginary bovine.

sitting next to the sandbox was a group of men and women from the area group home eating their lunch. suddenly,i realized in horror that one of the group members was making a loud moaning sound at regular intervals.

my mind slowly creaked into motion, what the..? .. is that the noise that he..? ...it couldn't be..

"mommy, a cow! i need find it!"

oh shit.

"MOMMY! i need find the cow!!!"

what do i do?!?!?

"mommy!!!"

no! nonononono! shhh! shhshh!
distract! do something! oh shit, what do i do?

i felt all eyes on me as my son (dammit.. why does he have to be so articulate?) yelled, "cow! cow! i hear one!"pointing in the direction of the group and running back and forth, searching for the source of the noise. my throat went dry, i felt the sweat dripping out of my armpits... fuck!!!

WHAT DO I DO?!

so i did the only thing any self respecting woman such as myself could do. i ran over to K, whisked him up into my arms and ran my ass as fast as i could directly to my car and drove home without looking back.

i have never been so embarrassed in my life.