Tuesday, March 11, 2008

darth balls

you all know how i hate the playdate.

so i'm not sure how it happened ( i think it was pre-childless weekend induced delirium) but i scheduled not one, but TWO playdates in my home this week.

the first of which was today.

on the ride home E and his little friend tobias were discussing
the various delights of the movie star wars.

tobias: "let's pretend we're star wars guys when we get home!"

E: "yeah, yeah!! i'll be annakin!!"

K (trying to hang with the big boys): "i gonna be wuke skywalkuh!"

tobias :"guys! guys! i'm gonna be darth balls!"


we all stopped. i prayed to God that the small child was not saying what i thought he was saying.

tobias: "you know who darth balls is, don't you?"

i held my breath. my children looked confused.

"you know! darth balls!...like my balls!" (pointing toward his crotch)

i think i puked a little bit in my mouth as E and K stared at him silently, puzzled looks on their faces.

"your balls, like by your penis! isn't that funny? hahahahahahahahha!!!"

i don't exactly know what transpired next. the roar inside my head was too loud (what is haaaaaappening?!?!?) to pick up the remainder of the conversation as it deteriorated further into the gutter.

i think i managed to mumble something lame like 'we don't do potty talk at our house..' but mostly was just trying to concentrate on getting us all home asap.

not like home was any better...

my head was still reeling as we walked to the porch. i was lost in thought, anticipating the questions that were sure to come later and the inevitable incorporation of the new word "balls" into our everyday life.

i turned the key to the front door. tobias stepped inside first, stopped, sniffed the air and declared,

"heyyyyyy! your house has a STINKY smell!"

oh. my. word.

i'm pouring myself a shot of whiskey and hoping thursday's playdate starts a little more smoothly.


rents said...

oh.my.WORD!! How did it all end?

Ross said...

No, Tobias is right: Darth Balls is who Anakin PrivateParts became when the emperor finally turned him evil. This is just the sequel to your earlier playdate.

Kone said...

What should we say instead? Darth Testicles?

Anonymous said...

I like the Darth Testicles, but a little long for kids. Maybe Darth Testies! Either way yet another moment where i am glad i am not you! Damn i feel for ya!!


rents said...

Um, I'm not really an expert Star Wars person but isn't Darth Balls the guy who married Princess HooHoo and They were the parents of Anakin Private Parts? Or was Princess HooHoo the sister of Anakin Private Parts?

Rob Friggin Brandt said...

I don't really want to brag here, but I am an expert in all things Starwars and Starwars related. I believe that Darth Balls was in a short Novel by Terry Brooks, that occurred during the clone wars. He was the padawan to Count Duku, and later ejected from the Dark side for having a flaccid lightsaber.

He is now doing well. He opened an ice-cream shop in San Francisco.

Rob Brandt said...

I was just kidding about all that Star Wars stuff. Darth Balls is just the alias I use for posting personal ads on Craigslist. You should see the kinds of responses I get!