all i wanted to do was vacuum the fucking rug.
is that so much to ask?
but i should have known. i already told you how it is over here when i try to clean. and i knew from the way things had been going up until that point that the little man was in a gem of a mood. what was i thinking?
but i'm getting ahead of myself.
it is 10:52 a.m. 8 more minutes of sesame street remain and the floors are a mess. i've been trying for days (days!) to get at least one rug vacuumed with no luck.
the crumbs are piling up.
i assess my situation. elmo is about ready to sing, k is clearly winding up. is there time?
i wrestle the machine out of its closet and plug it in. 10:54.
oh no, now k is getting distracted. i watch out of the corner of my eye as he turns away from the tv, starts to amble toward his toy trains.
can i do it?
i glance at the dust bunnies staring at me from the corner. i have to chance it.
my eye catches the broom standing alone, propped against the wall. i grab it, hand it to k. here, honey! sweep the trains! mommy will be right back.
i dive into the other room, begin vacuuming at a frantic pace. never mind about moving furniture! just get the big stuff! does my little hoover have the power to suck up that marble? must try! no time to pick it up! i hear elmo singing in the background... i'm doing it! almost done. just get behind the drumset and..
keep going. just one more minute. must finish.
"mommy!mommy i do it! i make a star wars thing!"
oh shit. what?
"mommy, i bang it and i make a star wars thing!"
i pause, consider the meaning of this statement and realize i have no clue what he is talking about. but a little voice in my head tells me to turn off the vacuum and go check things out.
"what did you do, k?"
"i bang it! and i make a star wars thing!"
i round the corner into my living room and find
broom on the floor, glass on the rug.
fucking, fucking, fucking shit.
"i bang it, mommy."
i look at my two year old son, standing innocently by what is left of my window. i am speechless, furious, dumbfounded and yet mildly entertained all at the same time.
"i make a star wars thing."
yes, you did, my friend. yes, you did.
i turn my gaze toward the clock.
and it took you all of 3 minutes to do it.