so, no lie. here it is.
it was late friday afternoon. sun was shining. birds were singing. the boys and i were out running a few errands before the weekend began. the world was mine.
suddenly:
E: "mommy?"
me: (somewhat distracted as i soaked in the sunshine, listening to talk radio in the background) mmmmmmmhm?
E: "mommy, do you know what everett said to some of the girls on the playground the other day?"
now, let me just pause right here and say that i should have known. i really should have. everett is a little boy in E's kindergarten class and the stories i have heard thus far about him have not been good. but he's six.. and i thought how bad can it be? plus, i was in a good mood.
me: "no, what did he say, honey?"
(i want you to prepare yourselves)
E: "he called them..
(please get ready)
...fat, bearded bitches."
(i will pause here to let that sink in.)
and now i will tell you that E apparently repeated that phrase on the playground that day.
what's a mother to do?
is he just trying those words out? should i make a big deal? what if he starts saying "fat, bearded bitch" to everyone?! what if he says it to his grandmother? is this the first step of many on the road to being a mass murderer, a sociopath, an outcast of society?!
what the hell am i supposed to do?
what would you do?
are there any voices of experience out there that can offer some wise words of advice? or commiseration?
i'll just be over here, pouring myself a stiff drink while i wait for you fat, bearded bitches to write me back.
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5 comments:
His GRANDMOTHER????
Could that happen? I'm choking on my coffee and donut right now! gff
Did you laugh? I would have laughed.
..not want you want to do in front of your kids when they say that, but sometimes you just can't help it.
Boy...takes me back to my elementary school days when I had to deal with fat hairy bearded bitches too.
...good times...good times...
..almost magical.
i think i would have choked on my laughter and gotten us into a car wreck. fat bearded bitches! that's the funniest thing i've heard. oh, sorry, not good advice. i would have turned around, slapped my son across the face and mouth...hard, just for repeating those horrible words then, i would have choked with laughter and gotten us into a car wreck. good advice? hey...i should have a column!
why do they always do it when we are in the car? are they trying to kill us? Don't worry about him being a sociopath- my son used to love quoting Fat Bastard from Austin Powers-
"get in my belly! Gimme that baby!'
It seems important to ascertain whether these bitches were actually fat and/or bearded before deciding how to proceed. We all see fat people and bearded people, and we have to learn to pretend not to notice - that's much different than making bitches feel fat or bearded if they really aren't. Tough call.
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