Sunday, January 27, 2008

not to the thre

because of all this sickness i have been pretty tired lately.

and so the other day as K napped i decided i would try to get some shut-eye as well. E was contentedly reading his books on the couch near me and i asked him to please wake me in a half an hour.

"when the big hand is on the three, that's when you wake me up."

he seemed agreeable enough. he never really loves it when i nap, he'd rather have my full attention every minute of the day. but this time i was actually surprised at how well he did as i slept.

quarter after the hour came quickly and E awakened me, as instructed.

"time to wake up, mommy. the big hand is on the three!" what a sweet boy.

i was still wiping the sleep boogers from my eyes and trying to get my bearings when i noticed that the child was standing next to me expectantly.

i looked up.

he was holding a neatly folded white piece of paper in his hand and had a slight grin on his face as he gazed down at me.

E: "i have something, mommy. but i don't think you'll like it."

( i was intrigued. but i knew by now that if i acted too interested he'd never show me. the trick was to play it cool.)

me: "oh, mhmm?"

he clutched the paper a little tighter.

E: "i drew something while you were sleeping, mommy, but i can't show you cuz i think you'll be mad."

the grin on his face widened and i detected a glint of mischief in his eyes.

(now i had to see it!)

i got up and walked into the kitchen in an effort to appear completely bored.

me: "oh, that's fine. i don't want to see it anyway."

(i prayed that my plan would work.)

there was silence in the living room as he deliberated. i held my breath.

E:"oh.... okay, mommy. i guess i'll show you.. but you're gonna be mad."

he unfolded his paper to reveal his sketch:



"Not to the thre", by ERH
in which E, disgruntled at being asked
to rouse his mother at quarter past the hour,
chops of her hed with a hatchet
as she cries in protest.

well...

i suppose i asked for it.

7 comments:

daysgoby said...

I love that you're all birds.

rents said...

amazingly brilliant child. Twisted, but brilliant. gff

Kone said...

HILARIOUS. Sorry. but that is hilarious.

claire f.s. said...

wholly shit!

Home Depot sells very affordable door locks and I hear they are quite simple to install. After being previewed to E's demented drawing, I think it would be wise to sleep in a secure environment. Don't you??

Ross said...

If E asks Santa for a "real hatchet" what are you going to do? Hmm?

Gypsy at Heart said...

You had me bent over at the waist and my husband asking me what I was crying (laughing about). Love your blog zoloft mom.

Slicy said...

Holy Hell that's funny!

I think that reminds me of Stewie Griffin from Family Guy. that's a character from TV, which is a device that can sometimes be used to watch things other than Sesame Street or Barney or whatever the hell it does now at your house.

C is for Cookie... that's good enough to kill your mother.